New Year's holiday, 1995
What's going on over there?
What's happening?
-Hey! -Oh, isn't that Jun?
-Hey, Happy New Year! -Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
Happy New year!
Same to you guys!
Over the New Year's holidays, garbage collection ceased.
Hotaru had once again decided not to pay us a visit.
And Dad spent his days soaking in his outdoor bath.
Hotaru did, however, send a simple greeting card.
It seems Dad got one, too.
This year, I'm gonna go all out with our cattle sales.
Really.
Yeah, my father's becoming senile, so I have to work harder.
You too, Jun.
You've gotta start working towards your future.
-And get your father to move to the city. -Yeah.
By the way,
I heard you have a girlfriend.
Ah, well...
Don't try and pretend.
Introduce her to me. I'll train her to be a good woman.
No thanks.
-Aren't you thinking about marriage? -It's too early.
You're never too young for anything. Before you know it, you're already 40.
Don't worry about people's past. Hurry up and make her yours.
Have you? Hey, have you?
-Have you? -Sota!
Sota!
Oh, I'm coming!
What Sota said bugged me.
"Don't worry about people's past."
Whose past was he referring to?
Shokichi doesn't have it easy during winter,
ever since he started doing snow removal.
Being under the mercy of the weather,
he works into the night whenever it snows hard.
-Shokichi. -Huh?
Remember when we were interrupted?
About what?
About Hirosuke mentioning something about Shu.
You don't remember?
It's silly stuff.
So what happened?
I forgot.
His response made me even more curious.
Jun!
-Hey! -Back to work already?
I'm off for some pachinko. You guys hang in there!
Excuse me for a sec.
Hirosuke!
Hmm?
Um... I've something to ask you.
You free tonight?
Yeah, I'll be back after six.
Got it.
See ya.
Tell me.
About what?
About the girl I'm seeing right now.
You know something about her, don't you?
Haven't you heard it from Shokichi?
He's not telling me anything.
Tell me.
So something bothered you after all, huh?
I knew she couldn't hide it forever.
Wait here.
I couldn't help feeling uneasy about this.
What am I about to find out?
Is there really a need to know?
This is one of the magazines you gave me.
It's her, isn't it?
Though the hairstyle is a little different.
It says Morita Akane...
and even the various porn videos she's appeared in.
I found some at a video store in Furano.
"Akane Moans"
I borrowed and watched it...
...together with Shokichi.
I was shocked.
It was a terrible feeling...
that I've never felt before.
My anger couldn't be contained.
Is this anger towards Hirosuke?
Or...
Shu?
Perhaps, it's directed toward myself...
since I was shocked this much?
However,
what's even more shameful is...
my perverted urge to check out...
how Shu moaned in those videos.
The thoughts that started brewing in my mind...
were truly despicable.
I couldn't forgive myself.
It was a huge insult to Shu.
Stop it.
You watched this with Hirosuke, didn't you?
Had no idea you were like that.
Hit me.
Don't fool with me!
You done?
I'm so sorry.
I am...
...horrible.
I see. I'll go over and check.
Hey.
What the hell?!
I told you never to let Jun know!
As if you didn't watch those damned videos!
What's going on? Stop it, Hirosuke!
Hey, Sota!
-What's going on? -Hirosuke!
-What are you doing?! -Hey!
Stop it! Stop!
I said stop it!
Ouch!
As Shokichi said, you're in the wrong, Hirosuke.
There was no need to tell Jun.
But he'll eventually find out.
If he's serious about her, he should know.
-Better than to find out later. -Hold on.
If he can't forgive her, they should end it.
-Hold it there! -You don't understand a thing, you idiot!
When you live for more than 20 years, it's inevitable to have secrets in your past.
That's right.
I have things that I keep from Sota and vice versa.
Exactly.
It's an unwritten rule that we both follow.
-She's right. -But still...
Exposing secrets like that will only make everyone miserable.
Exactly.
They're not called secrets for nothing, you know!
Yup.
But Sis!
For instance,
Sota never asked how I actually made a living when I was in Fukuoka and Sapporo!
Right.
-Eh? -You don't know what it takes...
...for a woman to feed herself!
Wa-wait a minute.
You're not immune to it.
What if the fact that your sister did shameful things to make a living is exposed...
No, wa-wait. Eh?
Every girl...
has a thing or two that they... wouldn't like others to...
We understand, say no more.
Okay? It's all right now.
No matter what, I'll be fine with it.
But for Jun, he's different.
He is...
He's prone to being emotional.
Later that night, Sota came over to find me.
Did you know...
nothing of it?
It was the same for me too.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not referring to your girlfriend.
But about... my own wife.
And I'm fine with that.
Yeah.
I'm okay with it.
I can settle it with her tonight and then we'll make up.
But you're different.
In your case, it's not the same as mine.
She's unaware that you already know.
She believes you don't know her past.
Let her keep believing that.
Pretend you don't know.
You can't imply it...
...hint at it, or blame her for it.
If you've fallen for her, then let it be.
That's called caring.
That's what a true gentleman does.
I can understand it in my brain.
But I didn't have the confidence to...
suppress all the emotions in me.
Hello.
It's me.
Jun?
How have you been?
I've been worried about you.
Happy New Year.
Same to you.
How are you?
Mmm...
How about you?
I'm listening to some music alone.
Can you hear it?
That takes me back.
Ozaki Yutaka. A popular singer who died in 1992.
Ozaki* was still alive then.
Yeah.
I tried to write you many times.
Really?
I have...
decided to go ahead with my marriage.
Congrats.
Will you really be happy for me?
I feel a little sad,
but,
I think that's the best for you.
Thank you.
Jun.
Did something happen today?
Why would you say that?
Um...
You're somehow...
very...
...nice today.
It feels like I'm talking to...
your old self.
I kept seeing Shu.
However,
I was clearly...
unable to free myself from my preoccupation with Shu's past.
In Tokyo?
Yeah.
A bakery.
That's it?
That was the only place. Why?
Did you work elsewhere?
Why do you keep asking that?
Do bakeries pay that well?
Of course not.
Perhaps I was waiting for her...
to confess her past.
But I wonder
if having her say it...
would really put my preoccupation to an end.
Hey, doesn't something stink?
It stinks all the time in here.
I'm not talking about that.
Crap! There's smoke coming from the back! The garbage has caught fire!
Stop the vehicle!
-Park on the side! -No, the truck will catch fire.
Call in that we'll get to the fire station as quickly as we can!
Headquarters? This is vehicle No. 2.
The garbage caught fire!
We're on our way to the fire station.
Copy that. What's your location?
We're at the Rokugo junction heading towards Nunobe.
Copy that.
Subject is moving along Highway 38, assistance is required.
Will we be all right?
Won't the gasoline catch fire?
The fire was caused by an exploding gas cylinder disposed with other garbage,
ignited by something flammable.
Whoever disposed of those items, sure had no sense of responsibility.
It was an accident that could've gone horribly wrong.
After that, I had to provide the police with a statement.
However, none of us could give a definite answer...
as to where we collected the gas cylinder.
Hey, Karaji.
I was shocked at the news. Did you get hurt?
I brought this along.
You look exhausted.
You doing okay?
Yeah.
I was worried.
I once knew a company in Tokyo that had a fire break out.
They had reels of film in storage.
The burning flames looked like an explosion itself.
Were there videos too?
Hmm?
Yes, there were.
Adult themed even?
Well...
I've no idea about that.
Let's go.
What's wrong with you, Jun?
Stop it!
Stop...
Jun, what's the matter with you?
You're not your usual self.
Jun...
Are you...
...hiding something from me?
Not really.
How about you?
What makes you say that?
I'm not.
Then it's fine.
You don't sound like you believe me.
Crap.
This doesn't look good.
Jun...
Don't you have something you want to say to me?
Don't say it.
Saying more will only make it worse.
Not really.
Just that...
Just what?
What is it?
Stop.
Just stop.
I'm just saying that I don't like to be kept in the dark.
Hiding anything will only make it more suspicious.
What is there for me to hide?!
If there's nothing, then that's fine.
I'm leaving.
It's been a rough day today, I'm tired.
While keeping my silence...
I left her apartment.
I wondered if this meant...
the end for the two of us.
Is this the residence of Mr. Kuroita?
Yes, it is.
Did Hotaru happen to come by here?
She's over in Nemuro at the moment.
Did she say she was gonna drop by?
I'm coming down right now, just give me a minute.
May I know who you might be?
I'm the head nurse who was once Hotaru's supervisor.
Oh my...
I won't be here for long, so please don't bother.
It's nothing much, just tea.
Um, you mentioned she's in Nemuro...
do you have her contact info?
Yes, from the New Year's card she sent.
-This is the one. -Thank you. Let me...
The map says Ochiishi is rather far away from Nemuro.
Looks like it's a small and remote clinic.
Here you go.
Thank you, I'll have some then.
It's nothing much. Ah, need some snacks to go with that.
Apologies for the late introduction, my name's Kuroki.
Ah, Miss Kuroki.
Mitsuhiko is my husband. He's a surgeon at the Northern University Hospital.
But, wow.
To have you come all the way here.
The snowfall's quite heavy, it must've taken you some time.
I guess you've heard nothing about it, right?
Yes?
About what?
You see,
she hasn't visited me in nearly a year.
Nothing from your son, too?
And what would that be?
What is it?
I'm not too sure...
...how to begin talking about this.
Also it might not sound very nice to you, but...
My husband is currently...
...with Hotaru.
They're probably at this clinic in Ochiishi.
Which means...
They are living together.
They eloped.
Wait a sec...
I'm not following you.
When Hotaru was still a student,
she came to our hospital as an intern.
She grew attached to me.
And to my husband as well, since he was also at the same hospital.
There were times when we even dined together.
My husband was poor at socializing.
So he was isolated by his colleagues.
I guess it was during then that...
So...
was Hotaru the one...
who made the move on your husband?
I have no idea...
who made the first move.
Perhaps...
it was my husband.
I can see him taking advantage in such situations.
But even then...
How should I put it...
When I found out about them, they were practically living together.
I'm so sorry,
to bring this out all of a sudden.
I didn't mean to put the blame on anyone.
Perhaps I'm the one who should apologize.
But I'm relieved, now that I know their location.
As long as they're happy, I'll be fine with that.
Thank you for having me.
I'll take my leave.
I'll walk you...
...to the bus stop.
My mind is...
...still a total blank.
I've no idea what to say.
However,
I am...
...myself divorced from my ex-wife.
She has since passed away.
Within my capabilities as a guy,
I've raised her on my own.
I may have not been the best father,
but she has grown into...
someone who's always diligent...
and caring.
She really is...
a sincere, kind...
and good daugher.
But for her to...
do something that's equivalent to backstabbing...
I can't help feeling responsible for it.
But still...
I...
...can't bring myself to believe that Hotaru would...
Would you help me with something?
Please give Hotaru a call
and get her to put my husband on the line.
Hello?
I'm so silly.
What am I doing...
What's going on?
I was on my way to your place, but I drove into the ditch.
Just a sec, I'll be right there!
All right. You okay? There's nothing to worry about.
Okay...
Good.
We can get someone to tow the car later.
Take off your jacket and warm yourself up at the fireplace.
I only have this for now, sorry.
It's okay, I don't have much of an appetite anyway.
Neither do I.
What's the matter?
You don't seem well today.
A little something happened.
Is that right?
I also...
...had some troubles of my own.
Look at that.
If it doesn't get any better, you might not be able to go back.
Goro.
Hmm?
Can I...
...stay over tonight?
I don't mind at all.
What happened?
Should we not talk about it?
Not really.
Remember my daughter,
Hotaru?
It's about her.
She fell for a married man.
And they're living together in Nemuro.
Though I knew she moved there...
never did I expect...
that thought would never have crossed my mind.
Jun knew it all along, apparently.
That silly kid kept quiet so I wouldn't worry.
How did that Hotaru...
Why did she...
That Hotaru...
What sound was that?
Frost cracking.
What is frost cracking?
The sheer...
...frigidness of the nighttime temperature
causing a tree's trunk to split open.
Looks like tonight is extremely cold.
Are you not able to sleep?
Trying to erase away my past...
Hmm?
Would be nice if there's an eraser to erase my past.
Dad came over early next morning.
Something happened?
Did you know about Hotaru's situation all along?
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
How did you find out?
Yesterday,
the wife of Hotaru's partner came to see me.
I gave away her address...
...without knowing.
Jun.
I'm going over...
to Ochiishi.
Will you come along with me?
What's the matter?
Dad?
What should I say to her?
Huh?
When I meet Hotaru face to face,
what should I say?
Think I...
...won't meet her.
Jun.
You go.
Jun...
You doing okay?
As you can see, yes, I am.
I'm living with a doctor after all.
Dad found out about your situation.
So it seems.
How do you know?
We received a call from his family yesterday.
His wife paid Dad a visit, right?
Have things been going well?
Yes.
He treats me very well.
What's up with him, seriously.
He plays the cello... everyday.
How carefree.
Exactly.
That's how he is.
What're your plans from now on?
I've no idea.
How would I know?
You're strong.
Yeah, I am.
It surprises even me.
Don't you...
even feel...
...sorry for his wife and family?
I know I'll feel guilty about it if I think about them,
so I'm trying my best to shut it out.
Well, at any rate...
there's nothing I can do about it.
But,
I know he will eventually return to them.
He will?
To his family.
To his wife.
I can see that happening.
As if a premonition.
And leave you behind?
What're you gonna do when that happens?
Yeah, I wonder...
I haven't a clue...
...at the moment.
Hotaru.
Can I ask something?
Dad's somewhere nearby, isn't he?
What can I get you?
What're you having, coffee? Same for you, Jun?
Can we have 2 cups of coffee, please?
Certainly.
How have you been?
I was worried! You doing okay?
Yup, I am.
You sure do look well, maybe even better than before.
Did you put on a little weight?
-I've been happy, that's why. -Yes, happiness is important,
if not the best thing to have.
So um, that...
...friend of yours.
How should I address him, again?
-Doctor. -Doctor, yes...
Has he been well, too?
-Yes. -Ah, that's great.
To be honest...
...as your father...
I should have...
...gone and paid him a visit.
But in this current...
What's it called?
Situation.
Ah, right. In this situation, should I meet him?
I'll relay your message.
Will you? That'll be great.
You see, I...
I wouldn't know what to say to him in this situation.
Here you go.
Thank you.
When we...
...were on our way here,
I was thinking hard about what to say to you when we meet.
But this guy drove so fast, before I knew it, we were here.
-We took 8 hours to get here, you know. -8 hours? 8 hours is not very long.
Hotaru.
I don't object to what you're doing.
I really don't.
Since it already happened.
Even if... you should trouble anyone in the process.
You were just...
...honest to yourself.
You couldn't help it.
So it is not...
...about being right or wrong.
Well, that aside,
it may appear wrong in the eyes of society.
But,
you don't need to...
...feel sorry for me.
That's right.
No matter what you do,
I'm on your side.
So don't worry too much over it.
Just don't regret what's already done.
But...
be sure to bear the responsibility.
We'll go through this together.
I can't do much, but...
What am I saying...
Oh my.
I'm usually more smooth at talking.
After that, we walked Hotaru back.
Wait.
What is it?
-Hello. -Hello.
-Salmon for you? -Yes.
I'll take this big one.
Or a smaller one's better.
The big one's better after all.
Sorry, I'll settle for the middle one.
Give this...
...to the doctor.
I can't accept it.
Take it.
As a token.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hotaru!
You're always...
...welcome to return to Furano.
Dad.
Whenever I'm alone,
I blame myself.
But,
I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Hotaru.
After that,
Dad stopped talking.
During our 8-hour journey back to Furano,
Dad never spoke a single word.
When we reached Furano, it was already nighttime.
Dad.
If it's okay with you,
would you like to stay with me, at least for winter?
The next few days, we were hit with a strong cold wave.
It's all frozen, Akira.
At this rate, we'll never get to use the hot bath.
Goro!
Hey!
What're you doing?
The water has all frozen up.
Trying to get some water into the tub, but nothing's coming out!
Wanna go to a hot spring?
Hot spring, you say?
-You know this place, Fukiage Onsen? -Nope, I don't.
It lies along the mountain streams.
An all natural outdoor bath.
Let's go, then!
Let's go, let's go!
What a location!
This is awesome!
Will you look at that, isn't it great?
Isn't this great?
I'm so excited!
Eh?
Is this all there is?
Looks like it.
Wow, it's wild!
I'm going in first!
Ah... this feels great!
Hurry up!
You'll catch a cold!
This is awesome!
Feels so good.
Woah! This feels awesome!
Eh?
Did you say something?
I'll be honest with you about something.
I may not be able to see you anymore.
Why not?
Are you moving elsewhere?
No, but I'm not sure.
But...
it doesn't look like it's working out with Jun anymore.
Did something happen?
I had a good dream.
My dream wasn't too fantastic.
Like doing shopping.
Going to the grocery store.
Buying cooking oil filter paper,
bird feed,
toilet cleaning products,
new socks for him,
and other mundane items.
And sometimes,
we would go to your place...
with my handmade cookies.
I was dreaming...
such a small dream.
Why...
is it not working out?
What exactly...
...happened?
Is it not possible...
...to try and work it out?
Looks like...
he can't get over my past.
Your past?
Yes, my past.
A past that I wouldn't want to talk about.
But it seems that Jun's gotten to know of it.
And I don't really mind that he did.
But...
I wonder how he reacted when he learned about it...
There's nothing to be afraid of.
I know, let's pretend you're my daughter.
Um, mind if we join in?
Ah! Feel free!
I'm only here with my daughter.
Pardon our intrusion then!
What an awesome hot spring!
Feels great.
I only got to hear about this place recently.
Ah!
Hey...
Well, isn't this a great place?
It sure is.
-You come here often? -No, the first time.
Same for us.
This is great, yeah?
I totally agree.
You don't want people to know about it, huh.
I agree, I completely agree.
Dad, the heat's getting to me.
I see.
Sorry but my daughter is getting out.
We will look this way.
We're good.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Hey.
What's up.
-Got a smoke? -Cigarettes?
Got any cigarettes?
She's Jun's you-know-who.
I see.
Because she's a good you-know-what,
so there's nothing for me to, you know...
That wall clock was originally, you know... So...
Hold it there, no idea what you're saying.
So she's basically Jun's girlfriend, right?
So how does a wall clock come into the picture?
It's how it hangs on the wall.
Then the pendulum will go tick-tock, tick-tock.
I know that.
So do you always visit the hot springs with her like that?
Does Jun know about this?
Oh, no...
I beg of you.
Keep this away from Jun, please.
I had no idea that this happened.
Since then, Shu and I haven't been seeing each other.
Even when we bumped into each other,
we would just look away.
I was clearly the one in the wrong.
Although...
I wasn't mature enough to admit it...
...and apologize to her.
I'm sorry, Shu.
In the end...
I'm just a...
Yes?
Jun? It's me.
Rei?
Were you asleep?
What's the matter, calling this early?
Is it cold over there?
Yeah.
Same over here.
Looks like it'll be nice today,
but it's pretty cold.
So what's the matter?
I'll be...
...getting married this afternoon.
My finance received a sudden job transfer.
So we're moving to Tokyo.
I just finished...
writing a letter to you.
But...
I just couldn't put down my thoughts right.
How I...
...used to really like you, Jun.
Perhaps...
I...
...still do.
Is it okay for you to...
say this on your wedding day?
This will be the last time.
I will lock them away in my heart.
Say.
Hmm?
Sometime in the future,
10 years down the road,
I'll bring along my children,
and you bring along yours.
We'll run into each other somewhere.
Sounds good, doesn't it?
Whether it's Sapporo...
or Furano.
Hello?
What's the matter?
I'm actually...
...feeling very scared right now.
Really...
...scared.
And lonely.
I really want...
...somebody to be by my side.
I want somebody...
...to give me emotional support.
Do you remember?
In the past,
when you were in Tokyo and I was in Sapporo,
we used to set a time to watch videos together.
I remember.
Remember the movie, "The Graduate"?
Yes.
In the movie, Dustin Hoffman runs off with an ex-girlfriend at her wedding.
Do you want me to try that?
Do it.
Where's your wedding ceremony?
Rei...
Rei is getting married.
Rei is going...
...to a place where I can never reach out to her.
Please meet me.
Tonight, I'll be at the cafe, Kitadokei at six.
I'll keep waiting.
Shu.
Ouch!
Ouch...
What's wrong, Karajishi?
You okay?
-I'm fine. -Okay, let's go.
-What's the matter? -Ouch!
-Looks like food poisoning. -Is he okay?
Can somebody take over his shift?
-I can drive you home. -I'm fine!
Are you sure?
I'll be back tomorrow. Sorry about this.
Get some good rest, all right?
Sorry.
I only had Rei in my mind.
I kept trying to forget her.
But her voice...
...kept popping back in my ear.
Strangely enough,
I wasn't feeling depressed.
Well, maybe a little lonely.
But I wasn't sad.
This may sound weird, but...
the affection I had for Rei...
had drifted away from me...
and transformed into something else.
Something...
very... deep.
Rei.
Congratulations.
You looked beautiful.
Hotaru.
How are you doing?
Today,
Rei got married.
And I went to...
watch her getting married.
In the movie "The Graduate",
Dustin Hoffman got to...
run off with the bride from the church.
Where as I could only watch in silence.
I couldn't be Dustin Hoffman.
Hotaru.
I can picture you laughing at me for this.
Taking the happiness of another family...
to make it your own.
To set aside whether it's right or wrong,
your courage...
...is something I can never attain.
Where have you been?
Go to Kitadokei immediately.
Shu is waiting for you there.
Dad.
That issue has been settled already.
We're over.
Why is that?
It was my fault.
What's done is done.
Do you believe you're in the wrong?
Yeah.
So why don't you go apologize?
Jun.
Ever since you began collecting garbage,
you've been washing your hands a lot.
Your dirt can be washed away with the soap.
However,
there are things in life that can't be washed away like that.
During one's lifetime,
it's inevitable to become dirty.
You have some dirt too.
I'm covered with...
dirt all over.
How can you...
...clean yourself?
Huh?
Just go.
Go...
and talk it out with her once more.
It's too late.
Why's that?
She said she'd be there at 6.
It's been 3 hours.
-I'll go with you. -Don't.
Sorry.
See? She's there!
She's still waiting.
Hello.
I was writing a letter.
To leave behind for you.
I'll read it out loud to you.
"I'm sorry to hide it from you.
I'll tell you what happened to me in Tokyo.
After middle school, with the coal mine closing down,
I went to Tokyo alone and worked at a bakery.
While I had an easy time at the bakery,
I was always financially struggling.
One day, in front of an electrical appliance store,
I noticed a small, elegant CD player.
Wanting it so badly, I admired it everyday.
On a few occasions, the shopkeeper would...
...come out to smile at me and say...
"Would you like to appear in a movie?
They pay well for that, you know."
My heart raced.
He scheduled a day to bring me to an office in Shinjuku.
There were several men waiting for me.
They told me that I needed to take a camera test.
"Lift your skirt a little,"
said a gentle-looking guy with a chuckle.
So I lifted my skirt a little.
"Lift it all the way to your upper thigh."
I complied.
"Lift it higher. Till it shows your panties."
I thought "Well, why not." and did what he asked.
He then pointed at my chest.
And told me to remove my bra..."
This coming...
This coming Sunday,
would you like to go to Mt. Yamabe Department Store?
They have CD players there.
I'll go.
Dad.
Sorry to have you come all the way here that day,
to cause worry and trouble you.
I'm really sorry for it.
Two letters arrived in my mailbox yesterday.
Oh, hi!
One was from the doctor's wife.
She was the head nurse that took really good care of me during my internship.
In her letter she said...
"He may be a lot of work, but please take good care of him."
The other letter was from Jun.
I think this is the first time that he has ever written to me.
His handwriting was very messy...
...and rough.
But the warmth in his words...
...made me cry.
I don't know why, but I ended up crying my eyes out.
I've been a terrible daughter.
But...
I beg of you, Dad.
Please don't ever disown me.
Thank you for the salmon, too.
The doctor was deeply humbled by it.
Love you, Dad.
Hotaru.
That was what happened this winter.
Things are going well with Shu after that.
She spends even more time at Dad's.
She would get mad at me for not visiting him much.
I can tell she likes Dad a lot.
On the mountain side of Tokachidake...
there's a mixed-gender outdoor bath called Fukiage Onsen.
Shu suggested that all three of us go there someday.
She says these shocking things.
How daring have Japanese women gotten these days.
Translated by chobuki
Translation Check by Chuks
Edited by Phoenix